Firsts - First time Danny is injured
by EmptySky
Summary: Danny has been a policeman for over twelve years and has held his own in the line of duty during many difficult situations. In all this time, he has managed to avoid more serious injuries. He accredits his physical integrity to his good instincts, quick reflexes, and dumb luck. His luck runs out on a sunny afternoon in September. Prelude to Chapter 07 of 'Firsts'.


_First time Danny is injured_

Danny has been a policeman for over twelve years and has held his own in the line of duty during many difficult situations. In all this time, he has managed to avoid more serious injuries. He hasn't emerged completely unscathed from doing his job - having received countless bruises, sprained several different limbs during impromptu manhunts on foot, suffered the one or other bloody laceration from physical altercations and spent a few hours in the emergency room, following a concussion or getting patched up. Danny accredits his physical integrity to his good instincts, quick reflexes, and dumb luck.

His luck runs out on a sunny afternoon in September. The unthinkable happens during a routine questioning - an everyday occurrence - on a sidewalk in one of the busiest streets in Newark. The guy Danny and his partner are talking to is not even on the list of suspects when he suddenly, for no apparent reason, whips out a knife. It happens so fast that they don't even have the time to draw their guns. Danny sees the glint of the blade out of the corner of his eye as it rapidly moves towards his head. In the following chaos, happening in a split second, it's hard to tell where the guy is aiming the knife. It's only due to Danny's sharp reflexes and his distinct will to survive that he is able to deflect the weapon and avoid a certainly instantly fatal stab. However, he cannot deflect the knife entirely, and instead of injuring his face or neck, the blade slices through Danny's clothes and enters his abdomen until the hilt won't let it slide in any further.

It knocks the wind out of Danny completely. Not even the adrenaline surging through his body can mask the intense pain he's in. His legs give out and he drops to his knees. Shock sets in and all he hears is white noise. He's oblivious to the cars passing him by, his partner yelling his name, and the soft whooshing of the wind. He remembers his partner lowering him to the ground gently, probably having shot his attacker moments before. After that, his world becomes hazy and Danny will only remember bits and pieces later.

What he clearly remembers is that he knows it's bad. Obviously, any kind of stab wound is bad, but from the moment he feels the blade tear through him, he knows he's in trouble. He also knows that he does not want to die. As confused as he is, his thoughts always come down to the same thing: his family. He thinks of his parents and how wrong it would be if they had to bury a child. He thinks of his siblings, whom he's close to, and who have always looked up to him. Then there is Rachel, the love of his life, whom he promised to always come back to at the end of each workday. Their marriage is finally looking up as well, the two having just overcome a rough patch of serious arguments. And most importantly, he thinks of Grace. He is a father. He loves his daughter with all his heart, and he does not want to miss watching her grow up. If there is one thing Danny knows, it's that he does not want his little girl to grow up without a father. Life is too good at the moment to die, and at the age of thirty, he is way too young to go. And though the decision on whether he will live or die is not in his hands - any control was taken from him the second the lunatic approached him with a knife - Danny is too stubborn to let go, to give in.

He feels very faint and is too weak to move, but since it hurts to even take a breath, Danny doesn't really want to move anymore. He feels detached from the situation and barely registers his partner radioing for help or his attempts to rouse him from his stupor. Danny sees that his mouth is moving, but he cannot understand a single word over the static noise in his ears. He loses consciousness for some time because the next thing he remembers is the paramedics leaning over him and the agonizing pressure on his wound in an attempt to stem the bleeding while trying to not disturb the knife. He passes out eventually. He misses the ride to hospital and remembers snippets from the hustle in the trauma room.

Everything around him is dark and utterly quiet. Danny feels like he's floating. It's a strange sensation to be weightless, but Danny welcomes it. He doesn't know how much time passes, but everything is so calm and peaceful that it doesn't seem to matter. When it changes, it happens so slowly that Danny doesn't even notice at first. The pitch black haze makes way for a glimmer of light in the far distance, which seems to advance towards him slowly. He feels himself gradually become heavier and it no longer feels like gravity does not exist. He comes closer and closer to consciousness and his awareness increases steadily. Danny isn't sure he likes it. He feels a light pressure on his body which intensifies to the point it becomes uncomfortable. The light has come very close and Danny can hear faint noises. They grow louder and clearer until Danny identifies them as voices, though he cannot make out what they're saying. There are hands touching his body. He isn't sure he likes that either, as it is rather painful. Danny tries to get away, maybe go back to the dark space, but finds himself unable to. In fact, he cannot move at all. Instead, the pain gets worse and becomes unbearable after mere moments. Everything hurts. His head hurts, his throat is sore and his back aches, but all of it is nothing compared to the pain in his abdomen. It feels like he's burning alive while being repeatedly being stabbed in the gut. A memory nags at the back of his mind, but the pain is so fierce that he cannot seem to think straight. If only he could move...

It takes a lot of effort, but after many unsuccessful attempts, he is able to open his eyes. He immediately closes them again when the bright light reaches its peak and nearly blinds him. It's yet another part of his body that hurts. He has never felt this miserable in his entire life. Every nerve ending seems to be ablaze, so intense that he feels shaky and angrily dancing dots appear in front of his closed eyes. Danny wants to give in, follow the urge to pass out, when a strange voice addresses him directly.

"Detective Williams, open your eyes!"

Danny doesn't recognize the voice and he is exhausted, so he chooses to ignore it. Only the person it belongs to is persistent and does not let up.

"Come on, open your eyes! I've got some people here you surely want to see. They've waited a long time just to see you wake up. You don't want to disappoint them, do you? Come on!"

Danny feels someone's knuckles rubbing over his sternum and he flinches, just wanting to be left alone.

"I know you're hurting, Detective Williams. I will give you something for the pain and then you can go back to sleep, but you really have to wake up for us first. Come on, open your eyes!"

The prospect of getting some pain relief sounds very appealing, though Danny doesn't understand why they won't just give it to him and let him sleep straight away. It is much harder than the first time and it takes him a few attempts to do so, but then he finally blinks his eyes open. The light is not as bright as it was the first time, which is a small mercy.

"Good job," the voice praises him, and after moments of squinting his eyes, trying to find its source, Danny sees that the voice belongs to a man in green scrubs, currently leaning over him.

Danny figures he's in the hospital, which would explain a lot of things. The realization doesn't necessarily calm him down. He tries to speak but finds himself unable to. There is something blocking his throat and tears begin to blur his vision as he fights the urge to retch.

"Do not try to speak, Detective. This must be very confusing at the moment, but I assure you that you are not in danger. You were injured and you've been in the hospital since. You are currently intubated, so again, please do not try to speak. I know it's uncomfortable but your lungs are still too weak to breathe on their own. We need to keep you on the respirator for a little longer," the doctor explains slowly, making sure Danny can follow him. "I'll explain more to you once you're a bit more alert, okay? Your injuries were severe, but, barring any complications, we expect you to make a full recovery."

Danny manages to nod, mindful of the tube, and blinks a few times. Some of the tears roll down the side of his face from the sheer agony in his stomach.

"I apologize for the amount of pain you're in. We had trouble waking you up, so we had to withhold all sedation and painkillers in order to get you to respond. This will not happen again, I promise," the doctor explains again. He takes a syringe offered to him by a nearby nurse, emptying its contents in an infusion bag hanging on a pole by the bed.

Danny follows the doctor's movements with his eyes, a bit uncoordinated at first. He scans the room quickly, and each time he blinks, it gets harder to open his eyes. Alongside the doctor and the nurse, there are two more nurses in the room, who seem to adjust some of the medical equipment he's surrounded with. Also at his bedside are two familiar faces - Rachel and his mother. Danny takes one good look at them and frowns. Their distraught appearance is evidence of how serious Danny's condition must have been, and maybe still is.

His mother seems to have aged since he last saw her. Just how long has he been asleep for? There seem to be more lines on her face, especially around the eyes, and she looks like she hasn't slept in a while. She's fully focused on him, and when she sees his eyes meeting hers she offers a teary smile. Danny has very few memories of seeing his mother cry, happy tears included. For her to be that emotional, it must have been bad. What is really alarming to Danny is that his mother has an arm wrapped around his wife, which seems to be the only thing that's holding Rachel up at the moment. Rachel does not look well at all. Her face is gaunt - it's painfully obvious that she has lost some weight. She also looks like sleep has been a rarity. She's trembling slightly, crying. The hand that's not clutching his mother's tightly is held in front of her mouth to stifle the sobs threatening to come out.

Danny attempts to raise an arm towards his wife, to offer her some comfort, but he finds he is too weak to even lift his hand. He wants to talk to her, tell her he will be alright, that everything will be fine, but he remembers that he can't talk with the tube inserted down his throat. He closes his eyes in exhaustion as another wave of pain washes over him. Danny is entirely helpless and the realization is hard to take.

"I'm about to administer some morphine. You may feel a burn as it's going in, but it won't last long. We'll give you pain medication continuously from now on. If you feel that it is not enough, we can increase your dosage as we go. You can go back to sleep now." The doctor takes Danny's limp left hand in his and attaches another syringe to the IV catheter on the back, slowly injecting the clear liquid.

Danny forces his eyes open with great difficulty once more and focuses on Rachel and his mother. He feels the morphine burning in his vein as it moves upwards, and it's not long afterwards that the pain dulls tremendously. Danny is so relieved he could cry. Judging from the renewed wetness on his face, he might just be. He wants to offer the women a small smile, to show them that he's feeling better, but his fatigue wins and sleep pulls him under immediately.

 _Blink_

The next time he awakes, the room is cast in semi-darkness and it takes Danny a few moments to remember where he is. He looks around and spots his father slumped on a chair by his bed, his chin resting on his chest as he sleeps. His father's hand rests over Danny's protectively. Danny wants to shake it to let him know that he is awake, but finds that he is too weak to move more than a few fingers. It seems to be enough, because his father startles awake with a grunt. He locks eyes with Danny shortly after and stands up to lean over his son.

"Oh, Danny," his father breathes in relief and squeezes his hand tightly. "It's so good to see you awake. You've been out for a whole week and slept through all my visits before. You had us worried sick, you know that? Try not to do it again, I think my hair might be turning grey."

Danny manages a weak smile around the intubation tube and feels his eyes become heavier. He opens them wider, determined to stay awake a little longer, but he knows it's a losing battle.

"Sleep, son. I'll be here for the night, and I'll come back tomorrow. Don't worry about a thing. We're looking after Gracie for you and we're helping Rachel out as best we can. Everything is taken care of, okay? Just focus on getting better for us. I love you, son. Go back to sleep..."

 _Blink_

"Detective Williams? I know you're tired, but we need you to stay with us for a moment. We are ready to extubate you. We need you to exhale as long and strongly as you can while we take out the tube, once we tell you to. Do you understand?"

Danny gives a small nod, but he feels slightly confused about where the doctor is coming from all of a sudden. Last time he checked, his father was keeping him company. He doesn't remember him leaving, but then again, he doesn't remember falling asleep either.

"Here we go. Exhale!"

He braces himself, but he underestimates the level of discomfort entirely. He exhales as he is told and squeezes his eyes shut tightly at the sensation of the tube being pulled out. The pain in his abdomen flares up and knocks the wind out of him. Which is bad, since he now no longer has the machine breathing for him.

"It's out, we're done. Take a deep breath, Detective. I know it hurts, but it will pass soon. Come on - calm deep breaths."

Danny is gasping for air, his chest is heaving, and he has the strong urge to cough. When he does, the pain increases even more. For a long agonizing moment, Danny thinks he's suffocating. The doctor places a mask over his nose and mouth, and gently pulls the elastic band holding the mask into place. At the same time, he encourages him to take breath after breath. It feels like an eternity to Danny, but eventually he calms down enough, relaxing into the cushions behind his head and back. It's strenuous to take a breath by himself, without the respirator forcing oxygen into his lungs. His abdomen still hurts from clenching up when the tube was pulled out and from the coughing, but he has to admit that it's a vast improvement. Once his throat is no longer as sore as it currently is, he'll even be able to talk again. However, he is still extremely weak. Any energy he might have gained from all the sleeping he has been doing has depleted during this latest ordeal.

The doctor leaves after he's satisfied Danny's oxygen levels are staying up without the invasive support and only a nurse remains behind to tend after their patient. Danny doesn't even realize he's crying again until the nurse gently washes his arms and chest - as he has broken out in a cold sweat during the tube removal - and wipes his eyes with a soft, wet cloth. It feels so nice that Danny closes his eyes in relief, just for a little while.

 _Blink_

'Where does time go?', Danny wonders when he opens his eyes and finds Rachel's head resting against his bare shoulder. She's deeply asleep, despite her askew position. He considers waking her up, just so she won't feel sore later, but something stops him.

She looks exhausted. Even as she sleeps, he can see that her eyes are puffy and red from crying. She does look thinner compared to the last time Danny saw her - a week ago, according to his father. Danny wonders just how much she ate and slept during his time in the hospital. The past days have taken a toll on her body, that much is clear. Danny knows he is the sole reason Rachel is so unwell, and he feels sorry for putting his family through this. He hopes that Grace is faring better. He's not sure how much this daughter knows about his current predicament, but he wonders if she misses him. He looks back down at Rachel and sighs. His eyes begin to sting a little, so he closes them, not for long, because he does not want to miss the chance to talk to Rachel.

 _Blink_

"Mom?"

"Yeah, sweetie, it's me." His mother smiles and pulls the chair closer to his bed.

"When did you get here?" Danny croaks out hoarsely, his throat painfully sore.

"Just a little over two hours ago," she answers after consulting her watch. "Rachel was here all morning, until Grace got out of school. And either your father or Matthew will come to stay with you during the night."

"You don't have to do that."

His mother nods and reaches out to gently caress his cheek. "We know. But we want to, Danny. We were so worried about you that none of us wanted to leave you on your own. The staff has been very kind and they're allowing one family member to stay with you at all times, regardless of visiting hours."

Danny takes in the information and frowns. "Must have been bad for them to do that."

"You were touch and go for a while."

She fidgets with the thin sheet draped over his lower body, barely covering him at all. He can feel that he's naked underneath, but tries not to think about it or the fact that half of his family has probably seen him like that. He's glad when she pulls the sheet up a little higher and gently tucks it around his hips. She moves further up to brush her fingers through his hair. Usually, Danny doesn't like her messing with his hair, but he must admit that the soft touch feels really nice. He allows his mother to continue, as he figures it's the last thing he can do, give her something to occupy herself with after she had to sit and wait without being able to do anything.

"Mom? How bad was it?" Danny slurs, the words heavy from physical weakness. "Remember the guy. Had a knife."

She pauses for a second before caressing his scruffy cheek once more.

"It may not feel like it, but you were very lucky, honey. He nicked an artery. You probably would have died had the knife shifted at all. You lost a lot of blood and there was some organ damage. But they fixed everything and you will make a full recovery. Let's focus on that, okay?"

"Sorry," Danny whispers, exhaustion overcoming him once more.

"You did nothing wrong, Danny. I'm so grateful you will be fine," she soothes him, caressing his hair again and smiling when she sees that his eyelids are drooping at the gentle touch. "It's okay, sweetie. Go back to sleep if you're tired. Get some rest."

"I'm not that tired…"

 _Blink_

The next time Danny rouses from the medically assisted sleep, the distinct throbbing located in this stomach region is still present. His breath hitches and he tries to find the source of his afflictions, not quite ready to open his eyes yet to see for himself. It's astonishing how just moving his arm can be so difficult. The muscles have weakened tremendously, and are heavy as if they're made out of lead. But then again, he hasn't moved them of his own accord in almost a week. His fingers slowly trail over his body, until they brush over thick bandages covering his middle and extend down both flanks. Before he can assess the extent of the bandages, and maybe gage the damage done to his body, he is halted in his movements. A gentle touch on top of his hand stops his exploration and slender fingers entwine with his own, giving them a soft squeeze.

Danny manages a smile when his hair is brushed back softly. There are only two people allowed to touch his hair like that and get away with it, and as the ministrations are too refined to be his daughter's, he recognizes his wife's hands immediately. He figures that she waited for him long enough, so he sleepily blinks his eyes open. The gentle touch stops for a second, then his hand is squeezed once more. It is indeed Rachel sitting at his bedside, though very blurry.

He brings his free hand to his face and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. He bumps against plastic tubes underneath his nose, providing oxygen, and against something taped to his nostril. He files it away in his head to ask about later. The rubbing motion tugs at the IV catheter in the back of his hand and he winces. He lets his arm drop back down on the bed, as his attempt was successful and his vision has cleared enough for him to get a good look at his visitor.

"Hey you," Danny whispers, directing a soft smile towards his wife.

"Hey yourself," Rachel replies, tears welling up in her already puffy and red-rimmed eyes. "I was hoping you'd keep me company today. I seem to have missed all other times you were awake. You're not falling asleep on me again, are you?"

Danny shakes his head. He is still tired, but for the first time since he was injured, he feels like he can actually stay awake for a bit. All that sleeping he has been doing must be paying off. But he is not kidding himself - it is clear that it will take some time before Danny fully recovers.

He slips his hand out of Rachel's soft grip and with some effort, lifts it up. As gentle as he can be while his limbs are so uncoordinated from lack of use, he brings it to Rachel's face. He trails his fingertips over her cheek and brushes some strands of unkempt hair aside, tucking it behind her ear. Without the hair obscuring parts of her face, Danny gets to fully take in her appearance. The exhaustion she must be feeling is still as visible as when he got his first glimpses.

Now with both of them awake and facing each other, Danny can see the extent of what the ordeal he's been through has done to his wife. He expected the worry to leave her thinner, paler; the sleepless nights to leave behind physical evidence. What he did not expect, however, is how dejected Rachel looks. There is something in her beautiful brown eyes that makes him uneasy. She looks defeated, almost resigned. It is unsettling.

"Rachel…" Danny breathes her name softly and clears his throat, grimacing at the soreness.

Tears leave Rachel's eyes and she wipes them away immediately, seemingly annoyed at herself when more tears of relief follow. She smiles when Danny brushes some of them away with his thumb.

"I'm so glad you're awake," she says, leaning into the palm he has placed on her cheek before getting up and kissing him softly, then sitting back down again. "I know that the only time you did not feel any pain was when you were asleep, but I missed you so much. I'm sorry for being selfish. I couldn't stand it anymore to see you sleep. After all, you did wake up for your parents… Sorry, I'm such a mess right now, Danny. How are you feeling?"

"Sore," Danny whispers, his mouth dry. "Aching all over. Not feeling the best. So glad that you're here with me. Makes it all better, somehow. I'm thirsty, though."

Rachel never lets go of the hand holding his, but turns to reach for the call button. "Let me get a nurse for you. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, you know? I've been splitting up my time between you and Grace but it was hard for me to leave you here. Especially when you were still critical."

Before Danny can ask any questions, a nurse approaches his bed and smiles when she sees his eyes are open.

"Good morning, Detective Williams. It's so nice to see you awake! How is your pain level? Are you feeling any discomfort?"

"Hurts," Danny whispers and shrugs. "Not as bad as before."

"Can you rate the pain for me?" She asks concerned. "On a scale from 0 to 10?"

Danny thinks about it for a moment and licks his dry lips. "About 7."

Rachel's grip on his hand tightens and she looks him over worriedly, but Danny calms her by giving her another small smile.

"It's okay. Really feels better than it did before."

"Well, let's see if I can get you more comfortable." The nurse retrieves a syringe from a pocket in her scrubs and slowly injects a clear liquid into the port in the back of Danny's hand, stopping once the tension leaves his body and he visibly relaxes. "This should last for some time. I'm afraid we can only take the edge off the pain at the moment. We're currently reducing the amount of pain medication you're getting, and we're also slowly weaning you off the morphine."

"Shame. Those were great…"

"It doesn't sound pleasant, but you'll benefit from it in the long run. Considering your job, you must know about the dangers of receiving opiates for a prolonged time as well as we do. We want to avoid that. If the pain gets too bad though, and you feel like you cannot take it anymore, please let us know. We can administer something stronger. You shouldn't have to suffer."

"Thanks," Danny whispers. He winces, shifting on the bed slightly.

"Would you like to try sitting up? I can imagine your backside is quite sore from all the lying down you've been doing. Do not try to push yourself up. Let me just raise the head of your bed a little. The muscles in your abdomen have not healed enough to support you. Until the doctor tells you otherwise, use the electronics for the bed only."

The nurse pushes a button on the remote control for the bed until Danny is sitting up. It's painful at first and Danny has to breathe deeply a few times, his hand instinctively resting over his stomach protectively. Despite the discomfort, he welcomes the change of position. He already feels a lot better, despite being slightly dizzy. He tells the nurse and registers Rachel frowning at his side.

"It will pass in a few minutes. You have been lying almost entirely flat for a long time. It's normal to feel dizzy. Is there anything else you need?"

"Can I have some water?" Danny asks after an unsuccessful attempt to lick dry his lips with his equally dry tongue.

"Not yet, sorry. I'd like for you to try out ice chips, though. There has been a small tear in your stomach wall. The surgeons closed it, but you can't swallow too much at once. We've fed you over a nasogastric tube - small portions at a slow rate. Once the doctor checks you out we might switch to some thickened shakes, see how you tolerate them. We have to start slow to avoid vomiting."

"Yeah, that would suck…" Danny agrees, his question about the tape to his nose just answered.

The nurse smiles at him kindly and promises to bring a cup of ice chips right after she finishes a quick check-up. She adjusts the leads of the heart monitor Danny wasn't even aware he was attached to, as they had tangled up after his change of position. She makes sure the blood pressure cuff on his left bicep is sitting comfortably, checks that the pulse oximeter on his finger has not been disturbed, and, with quick hands, flattens down small wrinkles in the surgical tape over his bandages. She discreetly shifts the sheet covering his lower body aside to check the catheter and the bag hanging at his bedside.

Danny knows it's her job, and probably an everyday occurrence for her, seeing as they are in the intensive care unit, but he cannot help but feel embarrassed. Not only is he being seen while entirely naked, but he's completely helpless. At least Rachel isn't commenting on his current state. Being together for almost ten years means that they have seen each other naked countless times, as well as somewhat depending on the other during sickness, mild injuries or the pregnancy. This injury took it to a whole new level, though.

The nurse finishes her exam and covers him back up. She tucks the sheet loosely around his hips to prevent it from slipping. Lastly, she removes a nearly empty infusion bag from the IV pole by his bed and hangs up a new one to keep him hydrated until he is able to drink enough. Rachel thanks her before Danny can, and the nurse leaves with a smile and a brief, supportive touch to Rachel's shoulder. True to her word, she returns a short moment later to hand Rachel a small plastic cup with a spoon, and then disappears once more.

"Do you want to try holding the cup?" Rachel asks and stirs the ice with the spoon.

"I don't think I can," Danny admits and shrugs, looking at his weakened arms. "Probably not without spilling most of it."

"Right… So how do we do this?"

Danny locks eyes with Rachel, opens his mouth slightly and accepts the spoonful of crushed ice that Rachel quickly slips past his lips. He lets the ice melt and closes his eyes in bliss as his dry mouth finally moistens and he swallows. It's still somewhat painful, but the cold water trickling down his throat feels wonderful. He craves more. Rachel knows even before he has to tell her. She's ready with another spoonful, and after giving it to him, she sets the cup aside.

"Is that better?"

"Much better." Danny almost sighs in relief.

"I'm glad to hear that." Rachel smiles and reaches out compulsively, smoothing over Danny's week's worth of unshaven beard stubble.

"So… what happened?"

"You don't remember?" Rachel frowns and drops her hand into her lap.

"I remember the guy we were talking to pulling out a knife. I think I tried to fend him off, but he was too fast. I'm not sure about anything after that. It's really hazy. I remember being in pain, and the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital. I think you and Mom were there? That's about it, though."

Rachel wipes her eyes before taking Danny's hand in hers once more.

"Yes, you were stabbed. That was nine days ago. The surgeons managed to fix all the damage the knife did, but you were hurt very badly. You had a rough time after the surgery. I was very afraid for you," she says and sniffles.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Danny says quietly, stroking her hand with his thumb. "I always try my best to come home to you. I'm sorry it did not work out as well this time. Babe, be straight with me. How bad was it? Mom wouldn't give me any details and I was too tired to be persistent."

"You nearly died." Rachel shudders and wipes her nose. "The knife pierced your spleen and your stomach wall. The biggest problems came from your blood loss, though. The blade nicked your renal artery and you lost about a third of your blood volume. Your kidneys stopped functioning at one point, which led to strain on your heart and caused irregular beating. If you want to know more details you need to ask your doctors. They can answer your questions better than I can. It was hard enough to live through this nightmare once."

Danny is silent at first. He takes in all the information. It explains a lot. Not that it hasn't been hard on Danny's body, which has very much been the case, judging from Rachel's report. It must have been just as hard for his family. Having to watch him deteriorate in front of their eyes without being able to do anything about it.

"I'll be fine." Danny lightly squeezes Rachel's hand, but feels as though he's contradicting himself when he feels himself growing tired again. "I made it through the worst, right?"

Rachel smiles a tired, faint smile. It doesn't reach her eyes and Danny wonders at the real extent of the damage done. Not just to him, but to their relationship - all of Rachel's worries concerning his work just proven to be true.

"How are you doing, Rach? I remember seeing you when I first woke up. I know there were other times you were here."

"I stayed with you for the first entire day after your surgery, and then again after you took a turn for the worse. I just couldn't leave you alone like this. I was with you every morning, after Grace went to school and before I had to pick her up. When I wasn't here, someone else was. The staff has been so kind in allowing one of us to be with you at all times. We took turns. I came in the mornings, then either your mother or your sisters took over, and your brother or your father stayed during the nights. Your colleagues from the precinct stopped by, but they weren't allowed in. Well, we made an exception for your partner, but he only got to see you once. Everyone wishes you a speedy recovery."

"Tell the guys I said thanks." Danny stifles a yawn. "But really, how are you doing?"

"I feel like I could sleep for a week. I might, after you're released. I'm tired, Danny. But let's focus on you. I'm relieved that you're awake now."

There is another question burning at the back of his mind.

"How's Gracie?"

"Grace is fine. She's holding her own. We didn't tell her about everything that's going on, she only knows you were hurt and in the hospital. We try to keep the bad things away from her, but she senses something is off. She misses you."

"I don't want her to see me banged up like this."

"That's why we haven't brought her to see you. The ICU is no place for a child. Seeing you in the state you were in would have scared her. Now that you're awake and talking, I might reconsider bringing her to see you. She's worried, too."

"Alright… But let's maybe wait until I get rid of some of the equipment here." Danny sighs and looks down at himself. "How did she deal with the situation? You know… Me being gone and you not as present as usual?"

"It was difficult at first, but she adjusted fairly quickly. Everyone has been helping out. I couldn't have done it without your family and your colleagues," Rachel says, bitter at the last word, as if his colleagues had personally put him in the hospital bed. "Your parents looked after Grace on the days I stayed with you. She has enjoyed some sleepovers at their house. And whenever your parents couldn't take her, your colleagues stepped up. The guys really helped a lot. They drove her to school and picked her up. They went out of their way to distract her. They took her out, helped with homework…"

"That's good. Hey, how long until I can leave the ICU?"

"I don't know. Your doctor didn't say. Danny, rest. Take one step at a time. Today is the first time you have been awake for longer than two minutes. Please, do not rush this. Concentrate on recovering, for us and for yourself. Don't risk any setbacks."

"Have I ever been known to rush anything?" Danny quips, but nods. "I promise I'll behave. I know it's bad. I can feel it. I'll do this step by step. But right now, I'm exhausted. Don't be mad at me if I fall asleep mid-sentence."

"Something you did before," Rachel reminds him. "Wouldn't be the first time…"

Danny laughs, but it quickly turns into a cough. His upper body jerks up from the unexpected force of the cough and he groans. His breath comes in short gasps and once again, tears leave his eyes. He vaguely registers Rachel getting to her feet, leaning over the bed and trying to calm him. She places her hand against his shoulder and gently pushes him back towards the bed, so as to keep him from putting pressure on his wound.

The nurse, who was in before, briskly returns and sums up the situation with one trained look. She reaches for one of the pillows beneath Danny's head and places it against his abdomen, telling him to hug it close. Danny is desperate to try anything at this point. It does cushion the hacking coughs a bit, buffering the vibrations. The pain is immense and he has trouble catching his breath. He makes frantic motions with his hand to somehow let the nurse know what's happening, if she hasn't already seen it from the oxygen levels displayed on a monitor, dropping slightly.

"Calm breaths," she instructs, taking away the nasal cannula and replacing it with a mask. "You can breathe, just calm down."

It doesn't seem to work, so she takes his hand once more and injects another syringe into the medication port. The effect is nearly instant, and the pain recedes.

Danny sinks into the pillow exhausted. He's trembling and feels beads of sweat on his skin.

Rachel stands to the side, very worried, brushing away a lone tear from her eye.

"Rest some more, Detective. Don't try to speak anymore for now, okay? Just rest."

Danny has calmed down enough to give a tired nod and he blinks, watching the nurse leave.

"I'm so sorry," Rachel apologizes, slipping her hand into Danny's sweaty palm. "I won't make you laugh again. I wasn't thinking."

Danny lightly squeezes her hand and blinks his eyes at her. Nothing to forgive. He closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing. The Oxygen helps, but he hates that he is so weak that one coughing fit has done this to him. He opens his eyes when something cool and wet touches his forehead.

Rachel has fetched a wet cloth from somewhere and softly wipes his face, refreshing him and getting rid of the sweat. She swipes down his neck and his chest, mindful of the leads and bandages. She moves on to his arms. It feels nice, and he sighs contently. She shifts the sheet covering his lower half slightly, so his legs are free yet his modesty is preserved. She runs the cloth over all limbs before covering him back up.

"Thanks," Danny whispers, the mask clouding from his breath. He feels sleep pulling at him.

"You're welcome." Rachel smiles, stroking her thumb over his hand in soft circles. "You're going to be okay. You're going to be just fine, you'll see…"

To be concluded in "Firsts - Chapter 07 : First time Grace visits Danny in hospital" - posted separately because the chapter got too long and there is no Grace in this part.


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